Wife, Widow, Medium: One Woman's Journey to Helping Others Heal

A Love Story for the Ages and a Journey into Mediumship

“Everyone told me, ‘When your husband dies, you need to find a purpose.’ I was like, ‘Ok, I need to find a purpose.’ But the more I thought about it, I realized I’ve always had a purpose. Now, I just need to further that purpose so I continue to do good. At the end of our lives, we will be reviewed on how much good we do in the world.” - Deb C. 

Manhattan, New York is a place of grit and glitter. Where dreams take flight and hard work pays off. Where all things are infinitely possible. 

It’s also the origin of two souls meeting—and never parting. 

This is the story of a maître d' by day and starlet at night who fell in love with a gentleman from England, whose brush with death was the only reason he was in New York in the first place. 

Call it kismet. Call it destiny. Call it chance. Deb calls it fate.

“Years later, we looked back at how we met and we realized it was absolute fate that brought us together. There was no way we should have met.” 

Allan Cleary had been traveling and living all over the world with the London Festival Company. He was a Property Master, which meant that it was his responsibility to oversee the maintenance and inventory of all props for the ballet performers. In 1978, he contracted pneumonia while in China. “People were dying of pneumonia in those days,” explains Deb. “Penicillin was just starting to be used. After being hospitalized, he moved to Manhattan while he was recovering and said to himself, ‘I think I want to stay here.’ He found a job at the restaurant where I was working and that’s how we met.” 

The place where Allan and Deb both worked was a theatrical restaurant right off of Broadway. On any given night, Broadway stars such as Liza Minelli or Richard Burton could be spotted socializing or singing and playing the piano. 

After two weeks of working together, Deb and Allan realized they were mirrors of their respective shifts: day and night. As a trained prop master, Allan was very efficient, always wanting to know who was coming in, where they were sitting, etc. Deb, on the other hand, was more casual and trusted the universe to work things out. “We bickered a lot,” she laughs.

“At 11 p.m. one night,” Deb shares, “Allan called to tell me that Richard Burton was there with a party of twelve and I’d forgotten to write it down. He hung up on me. I thought he was so mad. But the next night, I went into work and he sat down and said, ‘Let me ask you something. Why do you even work here? Why don’t you go home to your husband?’ I said, ‘What are you talking about? I’m not married.’ And he said, ‘Maybe you should go out with me, then.’”

They went out for dinner, and afterward, to the rooftop of Deb’s apartment, affectionately dubbed Tar Beach. “It was a way to get a cheap tan in Manhattan,” Deb recalls. “People would lay out on towels during the day and sun themselves, and at night, it transformed into this really romantic place, up there in the sky, looking out over all the twinkling lights.” 

That was when Allan turned to her and said, “I’d like you to be the mother of my children.” 

And Deb simply told him, “Well in America, people get married first.” 

So, that’s what they did. 

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A Wonderful Life

Allan and Deb’s paths crossed in April, and they were married in June. Reminiscing about their wedding day, Deb shares, “While we were driving to the justice of the peace, I turned to Allan and said, ‘by the way, which religion are you?’ That’s how little we knew about each other! And it didn’t matter.” 

Deb describes her beloved husband, Allan, as sweet, kind, and honest. “I just felt very safe,” she shares. “He was a lovely, lovely person.” 

Although they both spoke English, sometimes it felt as if they were speaking different languages. “The whole first year that Allan and I were married, we barely understood each other,” Deb laughs. “He wrote a shopping list, once. On it, he wrote “lou rolls.’ I thought it was the name of a singer. It’s toilet paper!” 

While Allan was all-business at work, outside of it, he was very fun and creative. Eventually, he and Deb both left the restaurant where they met and entered the world of professional real estate. 

“We learned to really work hard and make the most of what we had. We never felt like we were limited by our circumstances. If we didn’t have the qualifications to do something, we would go and get them. And we just kept changing course along the way, never doubting ourselves. I get the image of navigating a ship down the river. Having to steer around the rocks and the things that come your way. That’s what we did. That’s life.”

Deb and Allan navigated through forty-two wonderful years of marriage. They worked hard. They enjoyed their time together. “We had the most beautiful daughter in the world,” shares Deb. “Vivienne. She married an Englishman. Just like her dad.”

Sadly, Allan passed away in August 2022. Deb cared for him and remarks how he was kind until the very end. “I did everything I could to give him a soft landing,” she shares. “He died in our bed. I said ‘Good night’ to him, and I told him I was so sorry this was happening. And he looked at me and said, ‘You’ve been wonderful.’” 

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Allan’s Diamond

“The whole world doesn’t have to know that he was remarkable to me. Even though everyone who met him loved him and they loved our story. I love to share that story.”

Deb connected with Eterneva to grow a Diamond from Allan’s ashes. The stone is colorless and classic, and will be set in a ring surrounded by smaller diamonds. “I considered a black diamond,” shares Deb, “but it would draw a lot of attention. A colorless diamond will be more subtle, timeless just like Allan. And this way, it’ll be just for me.”

Letting go of a loved one’s ashes is often the most difficult part of the Eterneva Diamond Journey. However, with a personalized video from her dedicated sales team member, Deb felt at ease. 

“When I received the kit to send Allan’s ashes back to Eterneva, I was nervous about scooping the ashes. But then I opened the box and the girl I’d spoken to on the phone was on the video. I felt so comfortable. It was so calming.” 

What Deb’s most looking forward to about wearing Allan’s Diamond is that it will remind her of all the good times they shared. “This helps me remember Allan the way he was. Because he was very sick for almost three years. It hasn’t even been a year yet, and all of this is healing and helping me remember the times before he was sick—our first date, our wedding, our life.” 

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A New Calling

“Allan led me to seek out a medium. I just thought he’s out there, I know he’s there.” 

At seventy years old and still active in real estate, Deb is pursuing a higher calling: evidentiary mediumship. 

Evidentiary mediumship (or evidential mediumship) is the practice of reading evidence brought by deceased loved ones. This evidence can include, but is not limited to, names, images, physical ailments, personality traits, favorite past times, and signature phrases. 

“The dead people don’t really speak. They show images. It’s my job to translate that image that I saw into a message.”

In her own reading, Deb shares that the first thing Allan did to prove he was right beside her was naming all of his five brothers and sisters. He also described specific things that had happened to Deb that morning, and showed an image of Sir Lancelot from Monty Python—his favorite movie. 

When asked about Paulo Coelho’s philosophy that our deceased loved ones are not gone but merely in different rooms, Deb agrees, adding: “Even closer than that! It’s a veil. The veil is very thin when you’re a child and when you’re very old. Sometimes old people stare into the distance and say they see their loved ones, and oftentimes when children say they have imaginary friends, they’re not imaginary.” 

Knowing that Allan is still near her has brought Deb a sense of peace and comfort that she wants to share with others who have lost their loved ones. After she earns her certification, she plans to do readings for widows to help them heal. 

“My mediumship is an extension of my real estate career,” she explains. “I went into real estate because I had a profound sense that I was helping a family make a transition from one place to another. They were trusting me. And I made real connections opposed to transactions. This new venture into mediumship aligns with that. I’m helping people with transitions.” 

Bringing Allan Home 

In July 2023, Deb set out on a journey across the pond to scatter Allan’s ashes in the River Mersey, hailed as the “lifeblood of Liverpool, shaping not just the waterfront contours but the very soul of the city.” 

“I feel really good about doing that because I know I’m still going to have some of him still with me as a Diamond. Even though I know he’s with me all the time. Bring him back home. He loved his hometown.”

While in Liverpool, she stayed at the Hotel Titanic. 

“Allan had a very funny phrase. The first time he said it, I was hanging something up in the house. I tried thirty different ways, and he said, ‘Deb, you’re just rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic.’ It became something we always said to each other whenever we could see something was a moot point or wasn’t going to work. We’d look at each other and say, ‘We’re just rearranging the deck chairs aren’t we?’”

In a reading before she left, Deb was told that Allan knew she was going to Germany and that he had something very big planned for her as a sign that he was there with her. “In my wildest dreams I couldn’t imagine what was going to happen,” Deb shares.

Taking a river cruise was something that Allan and Deb always wanted to do together. After spreading Allan’s ashes In Liverpool, Deb flew to Amsterdam and embarked on a journey down the Rhine River through France, Germany, and Switzerland. While en route to Germany,  she met a lovely couple from Las Vegas, who shared that not only were they originally from New York, they were, in fact, from the same village, and their daughter graduated high school with Deb and Allan’s daughter, Vivienne! They also mentioned a friend who was meant to be on the cruise as well, but had fallen ill. She was a realtor, like Deb, and when they reached out to her, it turns out that she and Allan had worked together. “She texted back to us how much she loved working with Allan and that he was such a lovely man,” says Deb. “Afterwards, we just sat there staring at each other thinking about all the things in the world that had to come together to put us on this ship at the same time. I’m still trying to wrap my head around it."

While traveling, Deb encountered her fair share of obstacles—and miracles—including nearly missing her connecting flight and the airline losing record of her ticket, which led to her making friends with a woman also on her way to Boston, who spoke several languages and was able to not only get them back home, but access to the VIP lounge. 

“At every single part of my journey a guardian angel showed up to help me with the things I didn’t know how to navigate.”

Now that Deb has returned from her trip of scattering Allan’s ashes in his hometown, she also returns to her study of evidentiary mediumship so she can help widows like her realize that their loved ones are right there beside them—and will always be.